Being a FAB Mom

                I realize that my title can cause one to think that I am boasting about myself. However, this is not the case.  We may assume that FAB is being used to represent the term “fabulous”.  I am far from seeing myself as a fabulous mom.  I definitely have my moments where I am a pretty darn good mom but rarely do I exceed my own expectations of what a fabulous mom is.  So what does FAB mean? For me, it represents being a foster, adoptive, and bio mom. 

                I see myself as a fabulous mom if I am able to work full time, keep a tidy home (with the dusting done and windows washed), no dishes in the sink, managing the homework of all the children without even a hint of irritation or impatience, someone who showers daily and hits the gym at least 2-3 times a week, healthy dinners on the table, lunches made, laundry done, and still has time to play with the kids and the hubby.  A pretty hefty expectation of myself isn’t it?  Funny thing is I don’t have this same expectation of other moms.  I see the hard work of other moms, I respect that hard work, I relax in her home when her house is not spotless, I feel a sense of relief when she is frustrated with her children or when she complains about homework.  I want to reach out and support this mom, lift her up in prayer, give her words of encouragement, take her kids for a few hours so she can have time to herself, take her out to coffee, etc.  In fact I very much enjoy being able to support other moms.  So why am I unable to receive the help and support myself?  The support that will help me to be what I view as a fabulous mom.

                When we got word that Brandon was officially able to move in with us we eagerly drove to his state for the weekend, packed up his stuff and made our journey home as a family of 6.  For our family, weekends are the time when we grocery shop, really clean the house, catch up on laundry, errands, etc. As you can imagine being gone the entire weekend left our fridge empty, chores, and errands undone.  Two of my close friends who are also foster and adoptive parents borrowed our house key while we were away and decorated our house in a manner to surprise and welcome Brandon.  Not only did they do that, but they also put a meal in our fridge for when we came home Sunday evening, knowing full well we wouldn’t have time to prepare dinner for the family.  They knew the support we would need.  They even went above and beyond and established a meal train for the following week and a half.  I am not good at accepting help…….I just don’t do it well and I resisted.  I supposed I expect myself to meet unrealistic expectations.  God is teaching me, growing me….My friend Sarah who established the meal train fought my resistance. I am so thankful she did! Her words, “Nicole, you are a leader of our ministry, of the support dinners.  If you don’t accept support and help from others, how can you expect others to accept it?”  DUH!!!!  How could I?  God is growing me in the expectations I have for myself, God is teaching me that accepting support does not mean I am incapable, weak, or a failure of any sort.  Quite the contrary, it means that I am strong in who I am, I am secure enough to accept the help being offered, and I am smart enough to know my limitations. 

                As a foster and adoptive mom, my support system is what gets me through each day.  I have learned over the years that surrounding myself with those who believe in me, believe in our calling, and accept me for my humanness are the ones I need to fill my life with.  Those with good intentions just don’t make life any easier.  When I am frustrated, when I am struggling, when I need to vent, I don’t need the response “well you guys are the ones who chose to do this” or “maybe you should think about not doing this anymore”.  Of course we chose this, we love this, but it doesn’t mean it is going to be easy and that we won’t need support.

 I still struggle with accepting support, but I am getting better. God is creating many opportunities for me to practice this new skill.  I am a FAB mom, and this time I do mean fabulous.  My love, advocacy, and life are based around my family and what they need – that makes me fabulous – not perfect – but definitely fabulous.  God has blessed me with a church family, family, and friends that have helped me achieve that title.