Dreaming of Mother's Day

                When I was 3 years old I had a pretend mom living in my closet.  Most kids have an invisible friend, a special blankie, a lovey they cling to, something other than the sad story of an invisible mother.  This mom was the “mother” I turned to, that I talked to, that I played out the roles of mother and daughter with.  Unfortunately my mother chose a different life other than the one with her husband and two young children when I was just a year old.  I was raised by the most amazing, loving, and dedicated father a child could ask for, but even at the age of 3 I knew what it meant to be motherless.  It was at that age that I can vividly remember making the decision to adopt.  I remember holding my baby doll as I looked at it lovingly and telling my dad that I wanted to have a lot of money when I was “old” so I could own an orphanage and love all the kids no one else wanted to.  God was planting a major seed in that torn 3 year old heart. 

                My mother may not have been there to teach me right from wrong, to hold me when I hurt, to help me plan my wedding or anything else, but there is one thing she did teach me (even if unintentionally); she taught me what kind of mother I never wanted to be.  Because of the hurt and the abandonment I experienced with my own mom, God was able to mold me into a mother that is devoted completely to her children and to children who don’t have mothers.  He has blessed me with the ability to understand and have compassion for those who are in search of that unconditional love. 

                From that very young age, I knew that I was meant to be a mother.  If there was only one thing I could be, that was it.  God continued to plant the seed of adoption and foster care in my heart for years as I grew into a teen and then into a young adult.  Of course I had wanted biological children as well.  Becoming a mother was not easy for us.  We decided to try to conceive our own before ever pursuing adoption.  After 3 miscarriages and a lot of infertility, we knew that God was calling us to adopt first.  In the midst of the losses I definitely could not see the rainbow that was to soon follow the storm we were in, but looking back I am so thankful for those losses!  My heart may have broke into millions of pieces and with each loss a part of me felt like it died, but nothing can replace the healing and the miracle of the birth of our oldest and adopted daughter.  Her birth was a restoration of my faith, an example of God’s amazing glory and faithfulness, and just the beginning of our story and passion for the fatherless.  I became a mother with that first pregnancy but I did not get to live as a mommy until the moment of Elena’s birth.

                There are many of you out there that are either mothers (adoptive, foster, or biological) or possibly a woman that desires nothing more than to become a mother.  Today I want to tell you how thankful I am for the role that you have chosen, for loving your children with all of your heart, for bringing into the world a miracle and for everything you sacrifice daily to be the person your family  needs.  God has blessed you with the role of all roles, He has entrusted you with bundles of joy, chaos, frustration, and most of all love J.  You were chosen for those children and I am thankful that you have taken on that role. 

                This mother’s day I look at my beautiful children and I don’t need any gifts from my husband or any of my kids.  The greatest gift I could have ever been given is the blessing of being a mom. I am an adoptive mother, a foster mother, and a biological mother.  My heart became complete the day I became mommy.  I pray your heart is filled with joy on this day! May you have an amazing Mother’s Day!