Our Home is Your Home….Forever

 

                I feel like I need to give a brief update as our life has changed a lot over the last 5 months. Back in August we had to disrupt our placement of B. If you have read any of the previous blogs or even noticed the gap of time that passed in between blogs, you will know that the decision and act of disrupting that placement was extremely heart breaking.  The grief I felt as a mother for the risk that was posed to our other children, in addition to the grief that I have for him.  I was not fully prepared for the grief I would experience.  There was a tremendous amount of mixed emotions, but mostly pain that I felt and still feel for him as I begin to realize and accept  how B’s life is more than likely going to turn out.  However, in the midst of this I see God’s hand completely at work. God used the timing of his departure and the struggles we faced to ultimately glorify Him. We couldn’t see it then, but we definitely are seeing some of it now.  I know the bigger picture has yet to be painted, but the masterpiece has begun to take shape.

                When B left our house, Thad and I felt like we needed to take a break from foster care, just for a short time. We knew that our hearts needed to heal and that our children needed to grieve and process as well. Yet, as it typically happens, that isn’t what God had in mind for us. In fact, the timing of B’s departure from our home was in God’s eyes, the perfect time to bring David back into our home…..forever. Within just two weeks of B returning to his previous foster home, David returned to us.  David had lived with us previously for about 7-8 months and even at that time we had prepared to adopt him. When he came into our hearts the first time, he had already had multiple placements and it was at that time we made a vow that we would always be there for him. When he left our home the first time we did not say good-bye. We remained a part of David’s life; we celebrated birthdays and holidays with him. Little did we know that maintaining this relationship with David would play an enormous part in his future.

                In September we started the process of making him our son, forever.  After a year and a half of him living apart from us we felt our family becoming complete. On December 27^th we finalized our adoption of David.  Even though David has been in our life for the past 2 ½ years, both in our home and out, he has some grieving to do. He was not living with us for the last year and a half. He had a life, a routine, a different bedroom, a different home and it was what he had known. He had a bond with us, but his life was not completely with us. The past four months we have been building security, being a safety net as he grieves his previous home, we have been strengthening our bond and attachment, together we are growing as a completed family.

                Each day we have been blessed to see how his attachment to us has strengthened. Last night he brought tears of joy and sorrow to my eyes. As I laid down with him, snuggled him, and prepared him  for bed we discussed the next  day’s events. David loves his grammy so much and I was telling him about the fun plans she had for him in the morning.  David looked at me with his beautiful blue eyes and said, “Mommy, I am going to miss you”. That moment his love for us shined through in such a strong and deep way. It may not seem huge to those who do not understand the attachment and trauma issues of children who have experienced so much in a short amount of time, but those words are huge!!!! After I told him how much I would miss him as well, he again looked at me and his next words broke my heart…”Mommy, do I get to come back home?”  My sweet, 3 year old baby boy, whom I love with all of my heart still feels that fear of possibly being disrupted and moved again. My heart cries for him, I know that his fear is based off of the reality of his life. I  hurt for him because I know it is going to take time before he fully understands and feels the security and safety that he is home for good. As I tried to hold back my tears for him, I snuggled him and whispered to him, “Baby boy, you will always come back home, this is your home forever and you will never have to live anywhere else again.”

                God brought David home forever and his healing is taking place at this moment.