Making My Heart More Like His

              A couple of days ago we received a sweet, little, 8 week old princess. Some call me crazy, and yes at times, with five children ages 9, 7 ,3, 3, and 8 weeks I tend to reflect and say, “yes I am….it is just a good crazy”. Feeling as sleep deprived as is typical for a mother with a newborn; I would have normally taken this down time to nap alongside my littlest ones. However, I feel the need to write instead as my heart is aching.

                This afternoon I had the privilege of meeting our foster baby’s birth parents.  Walking into the visit room, their pain radiated from their entire being. I cannot imagine the pain they feel each day that they are not the ones performing the daily care for their children. As mom cried while we hugged, I could feel my own tears falling.  My heart breaks for her….No matter the situation or the circumstances that placed her children into care, this mother and father LOVE, genuinely love their children.  They have zero control in their lives, their child’s life, or the timing in which reunification can occur. They are breaking from the inside out, trying to gain control of the situation however they can, attempting to trust the families that have their children, strangers completely unknown to them, making it through the emotional turmoil and trauma of separation.

 For those who have not walked this journey, who don’t fully understand foster care, my role would seem simple…..care for the children in my home.  Sure, I could let that be my only role, but when I meet the birth parents, when I see them in pain and desperate, my heart is transformed.  God uses these instances to make my heart more like His.  These parents are His children and no matter the wrongs they have done, He loves them and His heart is breaking for them. God molds and changes my heart with every encounter and my role becomes much clearer and much bigger than the simplicity of caring for children. My heart has changed over the last four years.  I have a love that I never expected for these birth parents and I genuinely love them as God does.  Loving them isn’t always easy, but I make the choice to love them.   I choose to love them in all that they are, in all that they are experiencing. My heart breaks for their daily loss just as I know it breaks God’s heart. As I love them, I pray that God uses me during this time to show these parents the love of Christ; a love that can give them a new hope and a new life.