The Growing Season

                In the Bible one of my favorite books is the book of Job.  The tragic story of a man weathering a multitude of storms; continuously facing trials and tribulations, only to overcome the suffering which brings rejoicing and glory to God.  There have been seasons in my life that may not have compared to the magnitude of trials that Job had, but none the less were high classed hurricanes for me and my family. 

                The past few weeks I have felt as if our family was in the midst of a storm.  Two of our children have some pretty high needs and their needs have started taking a toll on us.  My weeks have consisted of being in the car from 7 am until 4:30 pm running from doctor appointment to doctor appointment, completing missed school work, homework, social workers, on top of working full time, preparing for a week of camp with my 6^th graders, and maintaining a household of six. As you can imagine this has made for one exhausted and cranky mama!!  This kind of stress has a tendency of transferring over to my marriage as well, which only increases the strength of the storm.

                In the book of Job, Satan approached God and asked to test his servant.  Job lost his family, his wealth, his health, his status in the community, you name it, Job lost it.  The only thing Job never lost was his faith……  No matter the tribulation set before Job, Satan was never successful in his attempt to part Job from God.  I realize this past week that as we faced the testing and struggles of our children’s needs and the stress it placed on the entire family, including our marriage, we had to remain grounded in our faith and in what God was calling us to accomplish. 

Like the very special serotinus pine trees, the “storms” we faced the past few weeks were/are necessary for our growth.  These trees have special cones that will not release their seeds until they have been exposed to extreme heat.  In other words, if these trees do not endure a fire storm, their cones do not open to release their seeds for reproduction and growth will never happen. God has designed all of us to “grow” and “produce” after being refined in the midst of life’s storms.  With every storm we face and each season of sacrifice, God is able to use us in bigger and better ways, refining us so that we may bring Him glory and honor in all we do. 

James 1:2-4

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Find joy in your season of growth.

Impatiently Waiting?

About four and a half years ago Thad and I had started the process of getting licensed.  Boy did it feel like those months; awaiting the background checks, home study, and acceptance of our application, took an eternity! Very impatiently did we await our approval, calling and checking in to see if there was any way to speed up the process.  After all, I knew that there was that absolutely perfect child, “our” child, just waiting for us to be licensed so we could bring him/her home.  What in the world was holding up our license? Others who had gone through the PRIDE trainings with us already received theirs, how in the world did we not have ours???  For anyone who knows me well, I am not gifted in the area of patience.  I may be decently patient with my children, my students, other people, and so on, but when it comes to waiting for something that I really want……well let’s just say that I fail miserably at being patient. 

About six months ago a strong movement started in our church called “For the Least of These”.  This movement has inspired many families in our church to start the process of becoming licensed foster families. This past weekend, Thad and I were blessed to spend the evening with one of those families.  Naturally the conversations often gravitated towards our families, our jobs, and of course foster care.  As our friends discussed where they were at in the process, wondering when they would get their license, etc. it brought back many memories of our time of waiting.  In fact, in speaking with the other families who are in the process with our friends, they too are all very ready and wanting their licenses so that they can bring that child in need into their home.  Their hearts are ready and their home is open.  Still waiting is so unbelievably hard! 

Hearing of others impatient waiting surprisingly brings me joy.  Yes, I did indeed say that it brings me joy!  When others experience that impatient waiting Thad and I are given the opportunity to share our story.  I may think that my timing is perfect, but reality is that God’s timing is the ultimate and perfect timing. The timing and plan above all others!!  Had I been blessed with a child according to my timing I would have missed out on the most precious children ever!  Our license literally came through 3 weeks before our now 2 ½ year old son was born.  By God’s complete grace, the process to approve our license was held up by a few months because of various factors.  As impatiently as we waited, we learned a life lesson : James 1:17 “ Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights……..” Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord”. 

Today I am still an impatient waiter, but my heart is reminded of the glory that comes when I accept the timing of God’s gifts.  When I find myself in the mode of impatience, I look into the eyes of my children and am reminded of how perfectly God orchestrated the creation of the Kittelson family.

Broken

You know that feeling when you have been working on a 1000 piece puzzle and you are really making some great progress?  You are excited, you are nearing the finishing line, you are proud, and you know that you have really persevered in order to complete that sucker.  Then you realize there are pieces to the puzzle missing, very necessary pieces.  Without those pieces you know that this puzzle will never achieve the beauty that was intended for it.  That is when the frustration of all the hard work you have put into this beautiful puzzle sets in. You suddenly find yourself replacing the pride you had in your work with anger and irritation towards those who have ruined your attempt to create a masterpiece.

                I have been feeling that frustration a great deal lately; ever since the state cut funding for the Children’s Administration.  These children are beautiful master pieces that are in need of all the support and services they can get.  I am very much aware of the fact that budget cuts are a necessity in our state.  However, I have really been struggling with the fact that this area of budgeting has been hit so hard.  I am finding myself beyond irritated with our state and their decision that makes supporting foster parents and especially the vulnerable children so much more difficult. 

                Thad and I are blessed that we are licensed through Tacoma Youth for Christ. This is a private foster care licensing organization that has been a critical foundation and support system for our family and many others.  As we have worked with both the state and YFC, we have witnessed a drastic difference in the amount of support provided between the two.  Our state social workers are rarely available to discuss any of the situations that arise, they have very strict hours and less work days that allowed for us to contact them, and when there was crisis after  hours, on the weekends, or moments of complete frustration, behavioral issues, etc. they were not there as a support system.  I am sure this comes as no surprise but it seems as though the times you need to contact your social worker are the times they are not in the office.  For our family, YFC has been there in the middle of the night, after hours, and on weekends.  What a tremendous sacrifice these people make in order to support their foster families and the kids they service.  When we are burned out, frustrated and ready to throw the towel in, they are there. When we see a success in one of our children, they want us to share that with them.  This organization (as with other private agencies) is about the children, about the families caring for them, about supporting them, and fostering these children into the beautiful masterpieces they were meant to be.

                YFC has taken a 20% budget cut from the state.  Children’s Administration has been hit everywhere and the people suffering are these kids.  I am angry and frustrated because I would like to ask these state workers who they plan on having run this state in the next 20-30 years?  These children that are in our system, in need of Children’s Administrations services; they are our future. They are the future candidates of this country, the hopefully productive members of our society that will be independent and making differences in this world…….. Why then, is this where the state is cutting so much funding?  Why are they not thinking of the immediate effects of their decision, and even more so the detriment of our future if we continue in this direction; disregarding the needs of these children and the services that will aid in their growth and potential. 

                The harsh state of reality is that there is a much bigger problem in this picture.  Children’s Administration is not the only organization being hit with budget cuts and suffering. Truth is, the law enforcement agencies, health care, fire fighters, teachers, the elderly, the disabled, etc. are also receiving cuts and being gravely affected. The overspending of our government and individuals has created such a deficit that there is no clear cut answer.  Cuts have to be made, I understand that.  Someone will also suffer because of the cuts.  But my heart breaks as the children, who are our future, are sadly the imminent recipients of our broken state.

                In my frustration and venting, I ask for your prayers. Pray that organizations like YFC are able to receive outside funding in order to continue providing exceptional support, that their services are not hindered in any way and that the state is able to see the grave impact this budget cut has on the future of these children and our state.

Psalm 82:3

 Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and the oppressed.

He Is Calling You Too

Every now and then when we tell people that we are foster parents and that 3 of our 4 children are adopted, we get this admiring, “awe” preceded by the next admiring comment of, “You guys are amazing, I could never do that.”  Truth is that not everyone is meant to be a foster or adoptive parent and we are far from amazing. We have just been blessed with a calling to serve and to love vulnerable children. 

Quite frankly, it is probably better for someone to be honest with them self and acknowledge that they really aren’t called to foster and that it is perfectly okay.  In James 1:27 it states, “Religion that God our Father finds pure and faultless is this; to look after the orphans and the widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”  This passage of scripture is very clear in stating that we are being commanded to care for the orphans (and widows) of this world. It does not clearly state that we are all to adopt or do foster care.  None the less, He is calling you, all of us, into this ministry.

                I have to be completely honest; I am so very glad and thankful for those who are not called for fostering.  I know that may sound crazy, of course I want every child to be welcomed into a loving home, I want them to find a forever family; I want them safe, fed, nurtured, and loved.  However, if everyone were to embrace fostering, who would be there in the supportive roles that need to be filled?  I have so many friends who know that right now in their life they are unable to commit to being a foster parent; they know that they have no desire to be foster parents, etc. Whatever their reason, God has not placed this call on their heart.  These people have been blessed with a different, yet equal gift.  They have been given the gift of supporting those of us who are called to foster.  Without them, our job would be virtually impossible.

                Being a foster parent is not an easy task. Reality is that fostering requires a great deal of sacrifice from you and your forever family.  You bring a child into your home with the goal of nurturing, loving, and hopefully helping them heal.  That child may not want that from you, they may fight to bond and attach with you, they may resent you and your family.  He/she may have numerous issues that you have to deal with for several months or years before the healing can really begin and just when you feel like you have finally made some progress, it may just happen that they move out of your home only to start all over again.  There are days when Thad and I find ourselves questioning if we really listened to what God was asking of us, if we somehow confused the “signs” from God that we were seeing.  We experience complete and utter frustration where we feel as if we are failures in our own home, in our own calling.  This mission field is not for the meek.  We are not meek, we are not perfect parents, but we are capable and we are learning.

                It is in those moments when we feel we are failing, when we question our calling, that God sends His “Earthly Angels” to lift us up and restore us. Our support system; our friends who have not been called to foster are there for us, restoring our strength, providing respite or a meal, lifting us up in prayer, just as God has called them to do.  So yes, we are all called to care for the orphans, but I am so thankful that God did not call all of us to do foster care.