As a
parent I think it is natural to have certain expectations in place for your
children. At times it is reasonable to
have the same set of expectations for all of your kids and at other times it is
completely unreasonable, creating nothing but frustration, failure, and heart
ache for both the parent and child.
The
past few weeks have been pretty rough in our house hold. B has officially been living with us for 3
full months now. The honey moon period
is definitely over. That isn’t to say
that B isn’t a good kid, that we don’t love him, or that we would ever give up
on this placement. What I am saying
though is that his needs, his extensive list of needs, has begun to exhaust us
in a myriad of ways. Every day is filled
with constant, consistent, and never ending guiding, teaching, directing,
disciplining, etc. Yes, we do this
naturally with all of our kids but for most of us we get to pause and break
from some of that and just simply enjoy our loved ones. Recently our experience has lacked any sort
of break from it, and that has worn us out completely.
Before
I go on I have to admit something…… I
have too much pride, the unhealthy kind.
I often struggle allowing myself to be human and not super woman. I have
very high expectations of myself. I
expect that I can handle whatever is thrown my way, I can handle any and all
behaviors, I don’t need breaks and the last thing I want to do is burden others
by asking for help. It has really come
to my attention that this is an area God is trying to grow me in. I am learning, slowly but surely. Yep, who knew I couldn’t do it all??? Having B in my heart and home has caused me
to reach out a lot more than I am comfortable with. God is using B to help me grow as a mom and
as a Christian.
As we
have struggled meeting B’s needs and taking care of our own sanity I have
learned a couple very important lessons. The first thing I have learned is that I need
my support system just as much as B needs us.
I have learned that God loves for me to seek out others to pray on our
behalf, on behalf of our son. This
weekend God answered our prayer in an amazing way. We know that B needs consistency, constant
guidance, and so on….but what we really needed as a family was to be able to
just enjoy his company, for him to shine in all of his strengths, and for us to
all have a break from the constant, to just enjoy each other in the moment. This past weekend my son was an amazing
joy. He and I worked side by side all
Sunday, working around the house, grocery shopping, running errands, having
special meals together, etc. The day was
so perfect. Not once did I have to do anything more than love and enjoy him for
who he is, for the boy that God made so beautiful. As he and I talked about our day he brought
tears to my eyes as he said, “Mom, this was the best day of my life”. Our expectations of B are not just a challenge
for us to maintain, but they are also hard for him to try and constantly meet. The joy we felt living in the moment with him
over the weekend has carried on into this week.
B has been beaming and shinning. This
weekend was not only the best day of my son’s life, but it was also the best
day in our forever family’s life. We became a stronger, more loving, and more
understanding unit. Our bond and
attachment was blessed and strengthened tremendously.
Dear Lord,
I can’t thank you enough for the grace and blessings you
have bestowed upon us. You have called us to love this young man and to make
him a permanent part of our family. Lord
thank you for believing in us enough to have chosen him for us and us for him.
I pray that we love him through your eyes, that we constantly seek you as we
raise him up, and I pray that you continue to use our times of struggle as
opportunities for growth and your glory.
We also thank you for allowing us to live in the moment and to enjoy
this amazing young man.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Philippians 4:13
“I can do everything through him who gives
me strength.”
