What is Adoption Really Like?

 

                I am beyond blessed by the family that God has chosen for me.  People look at our family and at times call us amazing and inspiring…..sweet, kind words that make my heart smile as I know  it is His light that they are seeing and calling amazing.  But adoption is more than blessings, more than an amazing act, adoption has sadness and grief, it has pain and sorrow.

                Thad and I have experienced a few different types of adoption – private, foster to adopt, and another very unique type.  Each adoption is different, yet the same in other ways.  For us, God chose ¾ of our children to be born from another’s tummy, but all to be born from our hearts.  Each of our 3 adopted children had come to us in different ways, but all have come from places of hurt.  When I think about how blessed I am to be the mother of these children and how crazy in love I am with each of them, I also think about the loss that had to happen in order for these children to be my babies.  Private adoption or foster to adopt, another person had to feel pain and/or sacrifice when they chose an adoption plan for their baby or when their child was taken away from them by the state because they were not in a position where they could safely raise him/her.  My children will always have a sense of wonder about their biological families and my children that had a life with their biological parents will grieve that loss. 

                Adopting is the most incredible journey; it is an experience of unconditional love, courage, growth, and for us a complete walk in faith.  Adopting has been the magical key that has grown and completed our family. I look at my children and even though they are all different shades of beauty, I forget that they were not born of my body.  Each day I am so thankful for my “God Chosen” family and my heart is overwhelmed with joy and love, and as I look into their faces I am reminded of the pain and sorrow that had to occur in order for us to gain these blessings.  For the mother that specifically chose us to be the adoptive parents of her daughter, I have an unexplainable love for her.  I see her in my daughter’s face and my gratitude cannot be expressed with words, then in the same breath my heart hurts for her because I know her decision was not easy.  I will live each day acknowledging the sacrificial choice she made and I love her deeply for it.  When I look into the face of one of my sons, I am reminded of the trauma that had to occur for him to be with us.  Even though the circumstances of his birth mother’s life were the cause of him being with us, I grieve for her as the loss was not her choice – even though he would not be safe with her, she still loved him the best she could.  For the family member who loves the child so much that they chose for him to be in a family with a mom and a dad, they grieve and hurt too because of the sacrifice they have made.   Adoption is my heart, caring for the orphan is my passion; it has brought so much happiness and joy into our lives, and it has completed our family.... I just wish it didn't come at the price of pain for someone else.

                I am so thankful for the ability to adopt and for our beautiful family, but I will always struggle knowing  the pain others had to feel in order for our children to be brought into our lives.

Generosity.......

       Over the past four weeks my front room has been displaced by a multitude of gifts.  In fact, close to 500 gifts for foster children to be more precise. This is the 4th or 5th year that I have worked on collecting gifts for foster children and by far it has been the most amazing, most touching year of all. Truly, I was not prepared for the magnitude of love and generosity that I would witness from local businesses, friends, family, and strangers. 

      For a child who has been displaced from their home, whether it is deemed a "bad" home or not, they are still being taken from the one family they know and love.  The trauma they experience, the neglect, the abuse, whatever the reason may be for removing them does not take away the love they have for their parents and family.  Some of these kids are not even in foster homes with their siblings, they enter into a new, hopefully temporary home where they know no-one.  Even for us adults who have lost loved ones, who are apart from our loved ones, we often feel a sense of sadness and grief during the holidays.  We can express that and identify that within ourselves.  These children don't have these skills yet and can't rationalize their situation. So when the holidays come and they are without the family they have always known they feel fear, anxiety, uncertainty, sadness, and so much more.  These children have no idea what the holidays will bring.....will they have a gift to open at Christmas, what will the new traditions be, will they feel like they are special and a part of this new family that is happy and joyous to be together, will they be accepted and loved? 

     When we collect gifts for these kids for Christmas, our goal is to show them a generous amount of love.  A love that they may be receiving for the first time in their life, or just as importantly it is a love that they are receiving while in a very vulnerable state, a love from strangers that says, "You are special, you are not your circumstance, and we have so much hope for you and your future.  You are not forgotten and you are worthy."

    The definition of generous is this:
    Generous: Liberal in giving or sharing; unselfishness

    These past few weeks I have witnessed this definition in action.  The generosity that has poured out from others has left me absolutely speechless and at times in tears of joy.  We have had individuals who were foster children themselves who have poured out their empathy for these kids by blessing them with the most awesome gifts.  We have had people who have never even met a foster child but wanted to pour out their love to them and help make them feel special and honored.  There have been multiple children who have spent their own money to help another child in need.  Families who have very little took on more than one child to sponsor and gave all.  Communities and business came together, making a difference.  This process, this experience, has been overwhelming and the impact that single individuals are having on these children is what this entire season is about. 

 Matthew 25:  34-40
³⁴ “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’

     Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Christ.  His birth was the beginning of the perfect gift....salvation.  Jesus did not come into this world and offer his gift to us begrudgingly, he offered himself in love and freely without expectation of anything in return.  Presently, Christmas is a day that we typically expect to "receive",......this year so many chose to give instead.  Not only did they give to these children but their service to the least of these also served Him.

    I can't thank Foster Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Vigor Ground Fitness Center, Rainier Christian Schools - Highlands Campus, and numerous friends of mine who took the initiative to sponsor a child and collect gifts for these kids.  My goal was to collect at least 100 gifts this year......my goal was exceed 5 times what I hoped.  The impact is greater than I could have ever dreamed and many more children will be blessed this Christmas because of all of you.  I thank you in a way that words cannot express, without you this would not have been possible.

     Merry Christmas and may many blessings be upon you this coming year.